Boniosmind: Wedding crashers!

Monday, November 1, 2010

Wedding crashers!

Tim and I got all snazzied up in our floral prints on Saturday and headed to a wedding, courtesy of TK and family. Gugu, TK's wife, was the maid of honor and insisted we come.

Ok, first thing to know about Zulu weddings: there are multiple "Sessions". That's right. Sessions. Like a workshop or a meeting. And they are titled as such in the program. We made it for Session 2. Session 1 is the ceremony. Session 3 is the traditional part, with dancing and singing that evolves into an all night dance party to my understanding, kind of like the 21st birthday party or umemulo I went to a couple weeks ago. Session 2, which we attended, involves the introduction of the bride and groom, toasts/tributes (yes, tributes), and food. And all of these components take place in different locations, meaning a lot of transport and commuting. This is why we opted to just attend one session under TK's guidance.

So, first and foremost, the decor is, um, how do you say, fantasitcally awesome and fabulous!!!! It kind of reminded me of quincienneras for all those Cali kids out there.

Session 2 begins with a reenactment of the procession. Now, being a bridesmaid or groomsmen here in South Africa is a little different than in the US. It's not a simple commitment to just walk down the aisle, maybe have to make a speech if you are the maid of honor or something. Oh no. You have to have skills. WALK down the aisle? Oh, hells no. You do badass choreographed dance steps! That's right. We think we white people are all creative coming up with that shiznit in that YouTube video. Nope. We stole that shit from Africa people, where people actually have rhythm. Now I understand why Thuli is tentative about making me a bridesmaid in her wedding...

First of all, let us appreciate the bridesmaids' outfits. That's Gugu w/ her back to us.

There's Gugu in front, making sure everyone is in time.

There they go! Shake it! And you best believe the bride and groom follow with their own hot steps!

Once the bridal party is settled at the head table, the program begins. First of all, there is an MC. No joke. And there is cinematic lighting for the old school video camera recording everything, not to mention quite the PA system, even a TV hooked up showing the festivities real time, though it's a small TV and is set up behind the person speaking.... so not really sure of the benefit.... Oh, and there is a DJ. And I'm not talking like a stereotypical wedding DJ, I'm talking like a wicka wicka wa, spintables DJ, who plays entrance and exit riffs for all the speakers. I like their style. The speeches were mostly in Zulu, but we could pretty much get the jist. No matter where you are in the world, there is the uncle that will not shut up and just keeps talking and talking and talking. And, as mentioned, these were not just toasts, but also tributes. Yes, that's right. I'm talking like badass ballads sung by family, friends, the wedding party, you name it. Many of them were gospel, all of them were awesome. Our own lady Gugu took the stage and belted out quite the tune. Tim and I were thoroughly impressed.

Gugu belting it out! You go girl! (Because that is exactly what she would say to me ;) )

So, one minute I was in the hall, enjoying the festivities, and then the next minute I was in the parking lot, drinking straight whiskey. No big deal. Don't ask me how it happened. I'm still not really sure. A big guy, who introduced himself as Round, no joke, who had taken a liking to the lone white people at the event, approached me in my chair, and was like "Your friend, Tim, he's asking for you". He then took me by the hand and led me out of the hall into the dirt parking lot. I look back to see TK smiling and giggling and waving goodbye to me. Oh geez. What am I in for? I'm not sure if I should be concerned for Tim's safety (why would he ask for me?), or my own (I was being led by a strange, large man to god knows where). He leads me to car where I find Tim sitting in the front seat and he hands me a glass of whiskey, "Help me with this. I'm driving." I did what I could for the cause, which I will say did not make much of a dent, and it ended with Tim drinking most of the whiskey anyways, and more involved me doing my "whiskey dance", which was a hit, by the way. We had our food hand delivered to the car. It's good to be hanging out with the men, you get top notch service. Gugu also made sure as the maid of honor that we got our hands on some dessert. All in all, it was a lovely afternoon. And I can't wait to see what Session 1 and 3 are all about... :) Next time.