Coming off meds is hell

Since my last post I have finished taking the Venlafaxine, Reboxetine and Buspirone as instructed and it has been and continues to be hellish. I read in plenty of forums in the past that Venlafaxine can be a bitch to stop, whether its that one in particular or the added ones as well I dont know but I have taken a big step backwards.

Physically there have been lots of things such as swinging from sweating to shivering and a bit of both at the same time. I know I tremble anyway when outside but I have been a lot when on my own too. Trouble focusing my eyes, the feeling of the inside of my head spinning. I feel real itchy like are insects crawling all over me especially at night. I have had some very strange dreams and waking not knowing what was real and what was a dream. Sleeping is all over the place despite still on the sleeping tablets. Lots of headaches and feeling nauseous.

Mentally I have been angry and overly emotional. Its been a while since I had tearful moments but the last few days I have broken into tears many times. Even watching anything on TV has reduced me to tears on numerous occasions even a comedy and they were not tears of laughter. I have felt many of those feelings flood back that the meds helped to hold back or at least dampen down.

I saw my GP regarding those liver function tests and he is sending me for a scan which shockingly I had an appointment letter for two days later. Its actually on March 5th. He seems convinced the results from it will be fine. He gave me another lecture about the fact he believes the pdocs have got me on too many meds and part of me is wondering if he is not using this liver thing to get his own way. I do feel like I am stuck in the middle of his pissing contest with the day hospital. If he has issue with the pdocs why keep telling me, speak to them about it!

I also saw my pdoc very briefly and (the one highlight of the week) a student doctor was there to observe and she was gorgeous! Anyway he was not happy about my condition and how I am mentally. However his hands were tied until this liver issue is resolved. He said that he 'hoped' the lithium would stop my decline any further and to see him in a weeks time. He asked if I would be alright in that week to which I asked if I had any choice, the lack of response spoke volumes. I may be reading it wrong but he did not seem terribly impressed about the letter I had from my previous pdoc (one of his team) about stopping those other meds. If I was feeling stronger I would have pressed him on it, why it was contrary to the previous arrangement and how I was not happy it was done via letter. As always I have a couple of theories one being the previous pdoc knew about this liver thing nine months ago but ignored it so may be he now wants to look proactive in case something is actually wrong and he neglected it all that time. The second is he is pissed that I changed from seeing him to the consultant pdoc instead. Whatever way I look at it I feel like I have had three doctors all saying different things over the space of a couple of weeks.

I was feeling too ill to go to the support service on Wednesday, which is kind of ironic really. From now on I will just go by H in reference to the person I have been seeing. Not as her name in any way shape or form starts with a H or even has a H in it so a good alias. Anyway she phones today to see how I was and make an appointment which is the week after next. I dont answer the phone unless I know who it is (God bless caller id). To be honest what I said is a bit of a blur except I wanted to say liver anomaly and it kept coming out as anonymous so feeling very embarrassed about and not happy that I have managed to demonstrate I am a complete twat or rather further impress on her my twatishness.

I filled in the forms that I got for my referral to the psychologist. Dragging out things sucks at the best of times and I filled most of it in while being in tears.

God this itchy crawling is driving me insane or should that be insaner?

Yet another catch up post

I was pretty shocked to see how long its been since my last post. I suppose each day and week does not have any reason to stand out from each other, just another day just like any other day.

I started to attend a support service (charity run) for mental health suffers. I started off seeing two staff members which I found off putting but now they are busier it just the one member now. That is better for me; even more so as I did not like him much anyway. A decision I arrived at within about five seconds on my first appointment.

Amazingly I got a letter to say I had been referred to a psychologist. It was over 4 years, (yes four years) that it was first suggested and finally I am now going to be ..... on the waiting list! I can only assume that you dont get on the waiting list till they have decided that they might be able to fit you in. I suppose actually being on the waiting list does mean I now exist and not just one of the unspoken about people whom no-one wants to admit exists.

On the psychiatrist and meds front things have altered dramatically. The nurse added on a liver function test onto the blood test when I had my first Lithium check. (I may have already said that). Anyway it highlighted that high reading for one of the liver things that was first noticed last year. My GP and pdoc finally had a chat (something like 9 months later) and decided I need to come of the Venlafaxine fast. So now dropping every two weeks from 225mg - 150 - 75 - 0. My doc gave me another bloodtest and wanted to see me a week later for the results and monitor my first drop of the Venlafaxine. However my appointment was canceled for a month.

I got a letter today (actually from my previous pdoc) saying the ALT AND Gamma GT results of the liver function test is 'somewhat high' and to stop the Reboxitine and Buspirone as well. Holy crap thats stopping three meds in one go and I feel ill enough with the reduction of the first.

I also got a letter from my GP telling me to go and see him with regard to bloodtest tesults so I assume its again the LFT.

My main annoyance is this was noted all those months ago and forgotten about and now its been highlighted (and only because the nurse added LFT to the first lithium test as she said they may as well check everything. It was the nurses decision not the pdocs) its now stop all these tablets quickly. I could have had nine months to wean myself off them one by one.

Thats it really got that off my chest. Well my head is hurting badly so I will close here.